Friday, May 30, 2008

As one ends another begins

So another month is one more day from being over. It's weird to think that we are nearly half way through the year 2008, less than 6 months to go before we're buzzing around preparing for the Holidays and yet another school year nearly completed and under the kids' belts.

Thursday night was the spring scrimmage and ice cream social for the JV and Varsity players - sort of a last hoorah they have been viciously training for over the last four weeks. All this before summer strength and conditioning camp goes full force. As I sat watching Tanner play football realizing that his freshman year has gone by at the speed of sound I also had my eye on Torin. As Kirk and I talked back and forth Torin was testing his boundaries by going down one too many bleachers, exploring the environment by making noise rubbing his feet on the metal and showing us his monkey abilities. It was at this point I could not help but be taken back to Tanner at that age. Torin is the same age now as Tanner was when I had my beautiful baby girl more than 12 years ago. I remember the excitement he had for everything around him, how much he loved 'that baby', the sound of his laugh, the warmth of his cuddles, his aspirations to become a tennis ball (ask him!), his excitement for anything and everything and the ability to be resilient, as most kids are. I remember saying to myself that this road I was on would not be traveled down nearly as fast as everyone said it would be. How could it be? The days seem to go on and on, and talk about a thankless job. How is it that everyone says that with a blink of your eye and a turn of your cheek they're grown and gone? I wondered if that was just something people thought and said to get themselves through the trying times. The times when you know exactly why your hair is turning that shiny shade of gray, stainless steel as I like to call it and not because we're getting older.


When all this dawned on me I couldn't help but think about that time in my life, the time when the road I was traveling down was completely unknown to me as I blindly walked on ahead putting one foot in front of the other, not knowing what was coming next but knowing that I had two beautiful children that were entrusted to me for such a short time. The two given to me by the One who had heard my prayers, "please God, a boy first and then a girl so that the boy can take care of the girl. Please let them be healthy and please space them two and a half years apart." Two years and a half years was the perfect age gap in my mind. I realized again that my prayers were answered, all of them in that particular prayer, even though with Tanner there were plenty of scares during my pregnancy and even after he was delivered, and I was thankful. But then I remembered it was during that time when my life started making the most dramatic changes, things I never knew were coming that would change my life as I had known it. One life as I knew it getting ready to end, another life beginning.............with yet that life ending only to begin another, the one I live now.

As I sat there and watched Torin play in the bleachers, for a moment I was taken back to what once was, the calm before the storm and the silver lining my two angels I am blessed with, if only for just a few more years.

Yes my precious little people, you never have to wonder - I am proud of you both and I love you to the moon and back.

love, mommy

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