courage

As I travel down the road on my journey to Soul Restoration I heard a song tonight by Orianthi featuring Lacey for the first time tonight on Sirius as I was leaving 1/2 Price Books.  (Gosh how I love that store!  Used books/mags are so wonderful!)  This song really made an impact about how I feel about everything in my life in general and truly touched me deep in my soul.  If you are not familiar with Orianthi, she sings the song "According to You" and was actually Michael Jackson's guitarist which is where I first saw her when we went to see the movie "This is It".  I was so enthralled with what this girl could do I watched the credits after the movie just so I could find out who this amazing guitar chick was and came home and searched her out on the internet.  You can watch her shred the strings here.  Honestly, Orianthi is amazing and her music is phenomenal so if you have a second go check it out.

This song called "Courage" has the perfect lyrics and fits the bill quite nicely.  I have officially deemed it my theme song throughout this next six weeks of my life, and may possibly adopt it for even longer.  My official theme song has always been "I Won't Back Down" by Tom Petty for obvious reasons as it is so fitting to who I have had to be throughout my life considering my circumstances.  I've always had to fight for what I believed in and for what I want so I'm not sure if I will ever give up my "official" song but I do think "Courage" will be definitely be added to my playlist of life.  Check it out and see if you don't think it's pretty darn good.  Just remember to push pause on the Playlist over on the sidebar of the page before you take a listen to it.  (The vintage feel to the video really is wonderful.)

Courage

Take all my vicious words
And turn them into something good
Take all my preconceptions
And let the truth be understood

Take all my prized possessions
Leave only what I need
Take all my pieces of doubt
And let me be what's underneath

Courage is when you're afraid,
But you keep on moving anyway
Courage is when you're in pain,
But you keep on living anyway

We all have excuses why
Living in fear something in us dies
Like a bird with broken wings
It's not how high he flies, but the song he sings

Courage is when you're afraid,
But you keep on moving anyway
Courage is when you're in pain,
But you keep on living anyway

It's not how many times you've been knocked down
It's how many times you get back up
Courage is when you've lost your way,
But you find your strength anyway

Courage is when you're afraid
Courage is when it all seems grey
Courage is when you make a change,
And you keep on living anyway

You keep on moving anyway
You keep on giving anyway
You keep on loving anyway

icebox

For the fourth day in a row we've had icebox temperatures and the snow we received Sunday is still sticking around.  I'm not complaining.  No.  I'm merely reveling in the fact that the snow is still on the ground, and on the rooftops, and icicles are hanging off the homes around me.  I'm loving each moment of the chilly air and wishing it would last just a bit longer for the heat comes too quickly 'round these parts and I can never cool down enough during those long months of summer.  I enjoy going out to my car in the morning and scraping windows if I must.  I enjoy the crisp scent in the air.  I really love it.  It is refreshing and I feel so alive.  It reminds me of home.  It reminds me of being a kid.  It reminds me of so many things.

Yesterday's post was heavy.  It was about feelings.  Feelings that I think we all have and that some people never express.  I read a lot of blogs, or shall I say I stalk a lot of blogs.  It would appear that everyone is leading a perfectly happy life and everyone is incredibly happy.  They never encounter disappointment, frustration, anger.  It seems they never have a bad day and that the cards always just fall where they should.  And a lot of the blogs I read that are art-related never really touch on the fact that they're in a creative rut ~ not sure where to go next creatively.  I know that can't possibly be real.  I know not everyone out there whose blog I read has a perfect life and everything is hunky dory.  It's just not how things work.  I'm all about keeping certain things private but for just a moment it would be nice to know that everyone has the same struggles, the same frustrations, the same disappointments and the same fears as the rest of us.  To know that we aren't alone.  To know that we, too, are human.  To know that we are normal and that this is just that silly little thing called LIFE we are all trudging through together.

I started Brave Girls Club Soul Restoration last night and ran out today after work for a few last minute supplies.  I tried to get to class tonight but had several important phone calls to make (yes, calling my grandma is important) so did that and now it's almost time for the House of 3 webshow and time to chat during the show with a dear friend.  So much to do yet this week.....wish me luck in accomplishing the tasks!

it's all "1's" today

Today's date is 1/11/11.  All 1's today.  It was really fun writing the date today at work.  It was funny how varied the dates that I did write looked.  Try writing that date on your own and see for yourself.  It's crazy to see how slanted or not slanted the 1's were each time you write them.  How much space was between them, or not.  How they looked when you used the "/" between the numbers.  I realize that's really random and off topic but it was just sort of fun!

Today is the first day of class for Soul Restoration.

It is time, truth time.  Time to dig deep and find me.  I'm in there.  I know I am.  When I look in the mirror I see someone who does not look like me.  I feel like a stranger.  I don't feel like I know who that person is staring back at me.  I'm uncomfortable in my own skin.

That girl looking back wants to know what happened.  She's lost.  She's confused.  She's disappointed.  She's hurt.  She want to be set free.  She wants to feel like she used to.  She wants to believe like she used to.  She has a pretty good idea how she got lost and what happened.  It wasn't just one thing, although one very specific thing did have a very large impact on her life, but so many things over so many years.  The baggage that we all carry.  Each and every one of us.  We all have it.

If we all were just a little more caring of one another.  Had a bit more understanding.  Were less self-centered and selfish.  If it was less about the "me, me, me" and more about the "what can I do to help" or just extending an ear or maybe just a smile.  We all have to go through this life. 

The girl in the mirror is tired of all the pressure.  She's tired of all the lies.  She's tired of the blame.  She wants everyone to take their part and quit giving it to her.  She's tired of being strong, and brave.  She's always been strong, and brave.  Brave and strong are good...but sometimes it's too much.  Too much to handle all the time for just one person.  It's good that she has that in her.  That will always be in her.  No matter what and will be what always keeps her going.

When does it stop?  How does it feel to feel alive?  How does she know what to do, to make her life what she wants it to be?  How does she live her dream?  When do the "why's" stop?  When does the blaming stop?  When will it be okay?

She says she is always okay.  That's her standard issue statement.  Always okay.

She is aware she is blessed beyond measure. Sometimes it is hard to see because all she sees is "everything else" and all she hears are the lies.  All the stuff that everyone is filling her head with.  Sometimes she's filling her head with the lies as well.  She's doing that because that's what she has been told.  And she wrongly believes it.  The tapes are looping and never end.  She's not good enough.  Not pretty enough.  Not smart enough.  She's not enough.  She's not the artist she wants to be and never will be.  She's just not an artist.  She's selfish.  She's not nice.  She doesn't understand.  It's her fault.  She's wrong.  She did it.  She made me do it.  It's like constant chatter that does not stop, even when she is sleeping.  She even dreams like that.

Free.
She just wants to be set free.  So she can fly.
She wants her wings so she can once again fly.
Fly.
Free to fly.
Soaring.  (My word of the year.)