Friday, November 05, 2010

The {21} Challenge

I'm participating in The {21} Challenge again this year and today was the official start.  Find out more about it here over on Rhonna's blog.  My challenge is a bit more personal this time around since I feel that I've really conquered a few of the things on my list recently; one being blogging more often which I think I've been really successful keeping up with it recently.  You see, I've got this habit of berating myself and talking negatively to myself when I really should be embracing and loving myself much more.  I should be my biggest fan, not my biggest enemy and believe me, I've got plenty of those so I don't need any more of them in my life.  I have a hard time sharing certain things on my blog because there are those out there who are haters as well as there are other things that keep me from sharing too much about myself and my family simply because I am not really sure I want certain people knowing too much about my life and the lives of my children right now.

I don't talk much about my horribly ugly and very costly divorce where the ex ultimately terminated his rights to MY children simply so he didn't have to pay child support.  I know that he and his family and friends have internet access and while I don't like to put too much thought into these people who mean absolutely zilch to me or my children for that matter, (their words, not mine) I have to always be on guard because of how often and consistently we have been stalked by the ex since he decided to make that choice and how my family back home has been attacked verbally as well as physically (no, that was no typo and it was an over-exaggeration) due to this divorce and subsequent termination, that I wasn't in support of, except to get this man out of our lives because he wasn't doing what he was supposed to do as it pertains to being a father and taking care of his children and following the law.  And they are not and never will again be his children because said children decided, on their own mind you, that they would like to change their last name to my maiden name to rid themselves of the ex's last name nine months of the termination.  Pretty bold move on their part, if I do say so myself.  Anyway, I've tried to lead a somewhat quiet life minding my own business and raising my children with my current husband but with the knowledge that we always have to watch our backs because we have no idea what to expect, and everyone knows that anyone who terminates their rights to their children knows that that person must be a total whack job so it's best to always be aware.  Add to it the stalking and all the other things that he does (and there have been some pretty scary things go on where ex-husbands go on random witch hunts and end up doing very bad things to their ex's and their children), when he clearly signed his rights away makes one wonder just what his sick, sorry ass is capable of doing so with that, I find it hard to really be completely open on my blog about all the things that are ever present in our lives.  I mean, he seriously stalked my son outside his place of work back in May....the man was in the parking lot for 5 hours after going through my son's line at his place of business, then approached him when he left work to come home that night.  But I'm taking a leap of faith and sharing just a bit more simply because this blog is not just for me, it's for my family and friends who love me and think I'm simply all that!  So with that....I'm going to work for the next 21 days trying to make it a habit that I stop beating myself up for what it is I think I screwed up/will screw up and have done wrong/will do wrong and focus on all that I have done right/will do right and work on talking myself up because I know who I am, how very strong I am and I can honestly tell every one out there reading this entry that I must have done something very right to have the two most wonderful and beautiful kids in the entire world, and that is no exaggeration.  I swear that I have had absolutely, without a doubt, the easiest children to deal with that I have ever come across, and I've talked to a lot of parents.  I'm not saying that we are above anyone else....I'm just saying that my kids are really easy save for the bickering every now and then but even that isn't as bad as it could be because the kids have a very rare close relationship, I feel, because of what they have been through.  Now tell me, who shouldn't be patting themselves on the back for that?

It's time I start building myself up instead of tearing myself down so here's to the journey of loving and accepting myself more than I could have ever thought possible because I am worth it and I AM ALL THAT!

1 comment:

Michelle said...

oh Princess I am so proud of you and completely behind you!
I believe in you and always will
you are brave don't ever forget that


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